Please, let everything be well, stay strong, all will be well. All will be well. I love you.
Hope you'll be happy everyday from this moment on.
All My Love,
Liang Hui
Not going to Barca has never really crossed my mind before. It's an opportunity that has come knocking again, and people always say good opportunities are hard to come by, what more when they come knocking twice right?? But in the dead of the night, when I feel that i've hit rock bottom and i prolly cant go any lower, I start to wonder if my results will be better/ my studies in a better shape if I did what Yuan kor did - to just be focused on my studies and nothing else. I dunno, and i never will i guess. Part of me really really wished that I could have tried harder, and not bothered so much about things other than studies, but for the most part, I know that that won't really be me? Then I start to wonder, have I been neglecting my studies? Telling myself that I can cope, I'll get down to it, i've been trying my best. when actually I havent been? That's what I'm scared about. I'm scared shitless that these few months i've been kidding myself, and that I actually havent been putting in enough effort/ my best efforts.
Back to the books then.
I'm so afraid, so afraid that the results will come out the way I think they might/ most probably will.
"Why so complicated. life is simple. Have fun, study, chase girls, the end. Of course that's for guys. For girls its more like grades homework friends study have fun hair fats clothes earrings accessories shoes shoes shoes cca bestfriends commitment marriage babies shoes shoes shoes bffs diet skin makeup family shoes shoes shoes pink furry cute uni degree job shoes shoes shoes. That's why."
HAHAHA ok i knw this is exaggerrating and may not be the case for all the girls and boys. But i just found it generally accurate.. haha!! Note how shoes appears at least 10 times!!!
Followed my mum to the maid agency today, how should i say this? I guess I felt really uncomfortable? These relatively young (and a few not so young) women sitting in a row against the wall, standing up immediately as u enter, greeting u, and giving u a bright smile. My mum then proceeded to the reception area, and sat down. Then, she asked for the biography of a particular lady. Before we were served by the receptionist, she was 'speaking to' one of the rather grown up maids -- more like scolding an impertinent child if u ask me, That got me thinking alr. Then, as my mum perused the particular lady's biograpy, i wasjust so uncomfortable with how the whole set-up felt like we were buying a life. I knw this may sound very far-fetched, but i just felt plain uncomfortable about it. And then i started thinking about how these women are feeling at that moment.. Is the only answer to this just a plain "life's unfair?" I dunno..
Aunty Yani's leaving soon cos her contract is ending and she wishes to go back to spend time with her daughter, I really cant bear for her to because over the yrs, she's grown to be family.. But if i think about it, all this while she has been here taking care of us, of our house, when in Indonesia she has a home, a family of her own. Selfish of me to want her to stay right? ): I'll miss u ):
Just came back from the doctor's with 2 days of MC, 2 weeks excuse from sports and a bandaged finger ):But thank goodness the x-ray report didnt show any signs of fractures :/ Only sprained it and damaged the tendon.. I was really just plain unlucky!! Being at the wrong place at the wrong time, and ended up getting kicked in the finger by my jnr ): So now i'm typing with only my left hand plus the fourth finger on my right hand.. Really uncomfortable! Really do not look forward to doing things with only one hand,,
Nana altho u prolly wont see this, but I hope that ure having fun at your camp, and i miss u dearly!!
Life's a journey, and that's what they always say. And it's so sad that through this journey, only a select few can be with you through a majority of it, and that the rest of the time, we're moving from one group to another, getting close to the people around because of the circumstances we find ourselves in, and then after awhile, things seem like just a distant memory. U know how people always say, "it's okay if u dont have photos etc, as long as we've lived the memories, memories will always be within us." -- but this isn't true, some memories fade, and it's heart-wrenching.
---
:O it's chu xi tmr!!!!! I cannot cannot cannot believe time is zooming by so fast, it is scary,scary, scary. Really scary ): soon i'll be taking A's, omg major screamning. I cant wait to get it over with, but yet that will mean spending less tiem with my awesome friends in school ): ): ): sighhh!!! I love those moments in between lessons/during breaks when i see a familiar face, and give an enthusiastic wave. I love how those moments brighten up my day, even for that moment :)
I can say that joining Fac Com was, and still is one of my best decisions in JC :) Thank you Bullboys and Bullgirls. I <3 all of you.
Heather's right, I do not deserve to be tortured (by myself, no less) this way.
But somehow, day after day, week after week, I find these dreams and wishes slowly being chipped away, and now - 1 year and 1 month after that very first day in school, I can hardly recognize the dreams I had when i first stepped into the school. This shouldn'tbe hte case right? In actual fact, I should be feeling more drive, more determination to fulfill these very dreams I had. I guess it'll be better to just put in my best efforts, and hope for the best outcome yea? It's only when u hope and wish for alot, that's when the drop and disappointment becomes too hard to bear. I guess in this respect, JC has broken my spirit.
But there's a small niggling thought worming around my brain, it's the thought that tells me to remember what all my loved ones have been telling me: I can do it, I'll succeed. Great times are up ahead. It's the note my oldest brother scribbled onto the angpau he gave me last yr, the note that told me that i have great things in store for me; it's the text from Mr. Low telling me how he believes in me, it;s the SMS from laoshi and Mrs Wong telling me to have faith in myself.
So Liang Hui, hang in there, take things in stride, put your best damn pointed foot forward. Never ever give up!
"I could kill all your opportunities EVERYWHERE." Shivers ran up my spines, literally.
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